The Office Aide
by moms2398
Summary: Did you know Jack had an office aide? Apparently, neither did he. No spoilers...just a bit of fun at Jack's expense.


Daniel's head was swimming. He was sitting on the couch at Jack's place during his "World Famous Memorial Day Barbecue and Party". Daniel was almost sure that the only people who knew about this party were the people at the SGC and almost all of them, it seemed, had made some sort of appearance. 

Suddenly, he was jostled as a petite brunette sat down, very close to him. She looked up at him in and smiled. Her words were slurred slightly as she said. "'Scuse me, Doctor Jackson." She scooted over just enough to not be touching the entire length of him.

Not that he minded terribly; she was cute, after all. "Stop it, Daniel," he thought.

"Stop what?" she asked, her pale blue eyes looking sleepy.

Daniel could feel his face heat up as he realized he'd "thought" it out loud.

"Nothing. How are you, this fair evening, 'Lana, er, A-lana?"

"I'm contemplative."

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "I would have guessed drunk."

She laughed with her mouth closed. "Yeah, that too. You?"

"Yep. What are you contemplating?"

"I am contemplating chemistry."

"Chemistry?"

"Yep. Why is it, that I can drink 5 or 6 amaretto and cokes before I start feeling the effects but I have 2 glasses of wine or Siller's killer Chocolate Martini's and I feel it right away?"

"Siler."

"What?"

"You said Siller."

"Oh, that was rather _silly_ of me..." she giggled.

Daniel frowned. "I was thinking the same thing about beer."

She wrinkled her nose up. "Can't stand the stuff."

He nodded. "Not my favorite either, but one of those and I'm fine. One Chocolate Marini, and I'm swimming."

She snickered. "You said, 'Marini'."

"Did I?"

"Yep!" She leaned her head on his upper arm and patted it. "I bet _they_ know the answer."

Daniel looked across the room and saw Samantha Carter standing with a group of her science pals. They were talking urgently. "Probably."

"I'll bet right now, they're discussing the meaning of life."

"Wouldn't surprise me."

"Mmm."

A few minutes later, Daniel realized that she was asleep. He chuckled and moved his arm, so that her head rested on his chest, with his arm around her. He liked the smell of her hair.

A bit later, Jack O'Neill walked by and stopped, back-tracked and looked at Daniel, his eyes closed with a pretty brunette curled up next to - or rather, almost on - him.

"Daniel?" Jack called softly. "Oh, Danny-boy?"

Daniel opened his eyes. "Yes, Jack."

"Didn't know you brought a date."

"Didn't."

"Planning to leave with one?"

Daniel yawned and sank further down in the couch, not letting go of Alana. "Not planning to leave."

Jack chuckled. He knew for a fact that each one of his guest rooms had people sleeping in them. He was prepared, with plenty of sleeping bags for those people who stayed up really late to sack out in the living room. It always happened at one of his "World Famous" parties. It made him happy that 1) people enjoyed themselves enough to not want to leave, 2) people felt comfortable enough to stay, and 3) no one was driving home after drinking half the night. This way he could be sure his SGC family stayed safe. "I think there's one more available..."

"Mmm-hmm," Daniel answered but he was already back to sleep. He'd scooted down far enough for his head to rest back comfortably. Jack reached to the side of the couch and pulled the release that made Daniel's part of the couch into a recliner. Then, he took off Daniel's glasses and shoes, noticed that the brunette had kicked her shoes off, smiled at the two and walked away.

There was an intense bright light searing through Daniel's retina, even though his eyes were closed. His chest felt cold on one side, suddenly. He raised his hand to shield his eyes from the light and opened his eyes. Everything was blurry. He touched his face to find that his glasses were gone. Someone leaned over him and put his glasses against his hand.

"Thanks," he tried to say, but it came out as a croak.

"Cotton-mouth?"

He put his glasses on and looked at the smiling face of Alana Campbell. "Yeah. And headache."

She nodded. "Me, too. I'll get us some water and ibuprofen."

Daniel watched as she walked through the maze of sleeping people toward the kitchen. He looked around the foot of the recliner and saw a body, with no head - so the head must be, he surmised, under the recliner. He scooted off the recliner without letting it fall on the sleeper. Once on firm ground, he followed Alana to the kitchen.

"Jack's going to make everyone drink tomato juice," Daniel muttered.

Alana made a face. "Yuck. I'll be fine with my water, thank you. Hangovers are 99 dehydration, and I'm not that bad off. You?" She handed him a large glass of water.

"I'm with you." He tapped his glass to hers. "Bottoms up."

They both drank until their glasses were empty. Then Alana filled them again. While Daniel sipped his, she drank down the entire contents and filled hers up once more.

"You're not going to make yourself sick?"

"I would if I ate, but I've never been sick after drinking water and the headache goes away faster." She smiled. "Besides I only had two Chocolate Marinis."

Daniel chuckled. "You remember that?"

"Yep. What I didn't remember was falling asleep on your chest. I thought I was leaning on your arm."

"You were. I moved you so I could get circulation back in my fingers."

She blushed prettily. "You could have told me to get off."

He grinned. "Nope. I wasn't about to move. Besides, I can't wait until Jack gives me the third degree about 'sleeping with' his office aide."

She pursed her lips. "Colonel O'Neill doesn't even know he has an office aide."

Daniel frowned. "What makes you think that?"

"Two words. Mission. Report."

Daniel's frown didn't disappear. He raised his eyebrows and looked at her through the tops of his glasses.

She sighed and sat at the table. "He hates doing mission reports, right? Don't you think he would have someone else do them if he could?"

"Yes..."

"Well, all he has to do is handwrite notes and leave them in his outbox and they will magically reappear in his inbox as a typed mission report ready for his signature." Alana leaned forward. "He actually walks the mission reports to General Hammond, _himself._"

"Maybe he just likes to do them himself."

Alana raised an eyebrow at him.

"Okay, so maybe he doesn't know you can do that."

Alana smiled, clearly not convinced. "Yeah, sureyabetcha," she said.

Daniel laughed at this O'Neillism coming from her.

She stood. "I'll be back." She walked down the hall to where he knew the second bathroom of Jack's 3/2 was. She was back a few minutes later, and, before he could go take his turn, she said. "Daniel, I really have to go. I have an appointment at 10 and it's already 7:30. Could you please let Colonel O'Neill know that I had a really good time and that I said 'thank you'?"

"Sure. Drive safe, Alana."

"And Daniel, you were a very comfortable pillow. Thank you."

"Anytime."

She paused for a second, and started to turn pink. "Be careful, Doctor Jackson," she warned with a grin.

It was Daniel's turn to warm.

With a wave, she went to the door, fished her keys out of the bowl and quietly left.

Hours later, most of the guests had left Jack O'Neill's house. Daniel, Samantha and Teal'C had stayed to help Jack clean up. This is when Jack decided to rib Daniel.

"So, Danny," he said slowly. "Got cuddled up to a cute little number, huh? Did ya get her number?"

Daniel had been waiting for this. "Yep. It's," and he recited the extension for Jack's office.

Jack frowned. "Isn't that my office number?"

"Yep."

"Is that who you were sleeping with, Daniel?" Sam asked. "I couldn't see her face, her hair was in the way."

Daniel warmed at the words "sleeping with", but nodded. "Yes."

"Is it your intention to pursue a relationship with AlanaCampbell, DanielJackson?" Teal'C asked.

Daniel stopped and looked at Teal'C. "I hadn't thought about it, Teal'C. Do you think I should?" He couldn't believe the words came out of his mouth.

Sam looked thoughtful. "Well, she's very nice, cute and she has the patience of a saint."

"You're telling me. Can you believe she didn't think Jack even knew who she was?"

Sam laughed. Teal'C raised an eyebrow and Jack...Jack wasn't laughing, Daniel noticed.

Jack was giving them a sidelong glance. "Why would I? Who is she?"

Sam stopped laughing. Teal'C's eyebrow descended to a furrow and Daniel's mouth went agape.

"She's your office aide, Jack!"

"I don't have an office aide. Did once, mousy little Sergeant with nice eyes, but she didn't re-up."

Daniel looked at Sam. Sam put her face in her hand and shook. Teal'C walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a can of orange soda.

"Jack, that was Alana. Sergeant Alana Campbell. She decided not to re-enlist because she found out that she was going to be sent to Brindisi, Italy." Sam explained.

"Apparently, enlisted members of the Armed Forces get orders from Washington to move every 4 or 6 years. She didn't want to leave." Daniel added.

"So, she went to General Hammond and asked to keep her job, but as a civilian. She already had the clearances and had been working for you for two years, so the General got her fast-tracked to be hired as a civilian contractor," Sam finished.

Jack narrowed his eyes at them. "And she's _my_ office aide?" he frowned. "But, the one on the couch last night was much cuter than Sergeant Campbell."

Sam shook her head, smiling. "I can't believe you don't know you have an office aide. How do you think you could be 2IC of an entire installation and not have an office aide?"

"Oh, come on, Sam. How often am I actually _in_ my office? I'm always in yours, or in Daniel's."

"Do you make your own coffee, Jack?" Daniel asked.

"What?"

"In your office, in the morning, do you make your own coffee?"

Jack frowned. "No..."

"And yet, you have a full pot every morning, yes?"

"Yes..."

"How do you think that happens?"

"I never thought about it," he stood straight. "I just thought it was one of the perks of being 2IC."

"And the invitations to this party, did you send them out?"

"No. I sent an email."

"To whom?"

"I don't know, Daniel," Jack sounded exasperated. "I just wrote up an email and hit send. Like with every other announcement I've ever had."

Sam smiled. "Alana must have it set up to default to her email address."

"What?"

"All those announcements, when you hit send, they get sent to Alana. Then she forwards them to the appropriate emails," Sam explained.

"Don't you ever wonder how people know where you are? How you get phone calls in my office?" Daniel asked.

"No. I figured I'm just not very good at hiding."

Daniel shook his head. "Alana knows your habits. When you leave your office, she knows the likely places to find you. She'll call my secretary and confirm that you're there and forward important calls to my office. If you're not in my office, she does the same thing with Sam's assistant, or the cafeteria staff."

"She has often called me, as well," Teal'C said.

Daniel pointed at Teal'C and glared at Jack. "See?"

"You have a secretary? Then why is your office always such a mess?"

"Because I like it that way, and this is not about me, Jack." Daniel looked at Sam. "Sam when was the last time you actually typed up a mission report?"

"When Robert was out with Mono for three weeks," she looked perplexed. Then her eyes widened. "Don't tell me you're writing all of your mission reports yourself?"

Jack eyes widened. "Do you mean I don't have to?"

Daniel pushed his glasses up and rubbed his eyes. Then, he repositioned his glasses. "Jack, I really don't believe you!"

"What? I didn't know. It's not like she comes in to talk or anything."

"How often are you actually _in_ your office?" Daniel mocked. "Jeez, Jack."

Jack looked puzzled at his friend. Why was Daniel angry with him? "What?"

Sam was a bit more patient. "She left the Air Force because she wanted to continue working at the SGC, working with you, and you don't even know she works for you."

Jack suddenly understood. "Oh." He frowned. "I'll talk to her."

"Good."

"Still mad at me, Danny, ol' boy?"

Daniel looked at Jack, who was trying his best to look penitent and only succeeded in looking like an over-eager puppy - his eyes were too jovial to be really penitent. Finally, he smiled. "No, Jack. Just do something to make it up to her, okay?"

"Sure thing."

The team members enjoyed a moment of quiet companionship.

"So," Jack started. "How about Danny sleeping with Alana Campbell?"

Sam started laughing and Daniel looked chagrinned. Even Teal'C smiled.

Colonel Jack O'Neill walked into his office half an hour earlier than usual, to find, sure enough, Alana Campbell was making coffee. She turned with a look of surprise. "Good morning, sir. You're early."

Jack looked at her. The mass of brown curls, that had framed her face so prettily as she slept on Daniel's chest, was tamed into a long braid. She wore rimless glasses and was dressed quite professionally in a knee-length navy skirt, with a light blue, satiny button-down shirt that was unbuttoned to the third button and navy heels.

"Yep. I wanted to talk to you."

Alana frowned. "About what, sir?"

"It has come to my attention that you don't think I appreciate you."

Her eyebrows knitted together. "Who..." she smiled, sheepishly. "Doctor Jackson has a big mouth, sir."

Jack smiled. "Yeah, well, we love him anyway, right?"

She smiled. "I didn't say you didn't appreciate me, exactly."

He nodded. "I know what you said. Let me just say this..." he took a deep breath. "Can you really type up my reports for me? I don't have to do the whole thing myself?"

Alana let out a small, relieved laugh. She wouldn't have been able handle an apology anymore than he could.

"Yes, really. And I can have them delivered to General Hammond, too."

"Sweet!"

She smiled. "Anything you need, you drop a note in the box that says 'out' and I'll take care of it. If it isn't something I'm able to do, I'll let you know."

"What if I run out of coffee?"

She pouted, good-naturedly. "Now, sir, has that ever happened?"

He thought for a second. "Now that I think about it, no it hasn't. Sweet."

She smiled again. Jack wondered how he'd ever thought she was mousy. _"Must've been the BDUs. They never do a woman justice, and as little as she is, she was probably swimming in them,"_ he thought.

"Is that all, sir?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah...wait!"

Alana paused at the door. "Yes, sir?"

"Did you have a good time at the party?"

She smiled. "I always do, sir. Your "World Famous" parties are always great. I just need to learn to stay away from Siler's Chocolate Martinis."

Jack took on the look of a wizened old man. "Ah, yes, true 'Death by Chocolate'."

She smiled wider. "Definitely."

"Well, I will be in Daniel's office..."

She shook her head. "He won't be ready for you for at least another 15 minutes, sir."

"What do you mean?"

"He comes in a half an hour before you do, to settle in before you make your first appearance. You came in early. I'm surprised you didn't see each other in the elevator."

Jack smiled. "Well, today's my day to catch people off guard."

"I suppose so, sir."

Jack started followed her out the door, then stopped as she walked into the adjoining office - a door he only vaguely remembering seeing. "Hey, Alana?"

"Yes, sir?" She stopped by her desk and looked over at him.

"Ever think about going out with Daniel?"

She smiled. "I think every available woman on this base has thought about it at one point or another, sir."

Jack's eyebrows rose impossibly high. Then his face almost split in two with his smile. "You're bad, Alana Campbell."

She smiled. "You've rubbed off, sir."

He snickered and walked off.


End file.
